do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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