would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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