I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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