that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
then he tried to convert me to islam
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
