Well apparently he's into motor boating.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
