The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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