I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
