I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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