gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
