i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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