I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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