Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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