Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
