Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
