I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
