I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
