Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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