so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
