I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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