When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
