I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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