Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
