No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
