Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
