I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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