good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
