Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
