i just had sex bonerless
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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