i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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