Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
