i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have post one night stand depression
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