Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
