I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
