hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
