I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
