Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
