8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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