I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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