ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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