$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
