I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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