it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
