She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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