i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
