im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
