do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
