She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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