I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
