Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
