can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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