Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
