sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
