My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize